The E-Mail Astrologer, copyright Sherrie Nist, 2012
As Above, So Below
Relationship Compatibility
by Sherrie Nist
       Who (what sign) am I compatible with? I’m a Gemini, will I get along with a
Scorpio? What sign shouldn’t I date? I needn’t go on; you get my drift.
Relationships are far and away the topic that inspires the most questions.
Unfortunately, it’s just not as easy as matching up sun signs.
       The astrological relationship information aimed at the general public, and
which promises to give you the inside info on your ideal astrological mate, is, to put
it bluntly, a load of crap. There is some sound astrological theory behind the
method of arriving at these pronouncements, but it is being applied incorrectly.
There is also some sound marketing theory behind it; promising a method of
locating a compatible partner sells books! Don’t buy into it; it doesn’t work.
       Almost  everything I have seen on this topic uses the compatible elements
theory.  Fire signs are matched with other fire signs, ditto for earth, air, and water
signs. To vastly over-simplify, fire (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) signs are action-
oriented. Earth (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) signs are practical and grounded. Air
signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) function on a mental level, while water signs
(Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) react emotionally.
       Archetypally, matching up signs of the same element makes sense. We DO
have an instinctive understanding when someone is operating on the same
wavelength as we are. So why doesn’t it make sense in the realm of relationship
compatibility potential?
       Factors that contribute to a successful relationship, and you need to look at all
of them.
       The moon in a natal chart describes a person’s emotional nature. Personally, if
I were going to look at only one thing as a measure of compatibility, I would check
out the moon.
       Comparing each other’s Mercury is revealing, too. Mercury is the
communication function. Many relationships fall apart from communication
problems. Often the problem is that the parties involved just have a completely
different style of communication, and process information differently. Most people
tend to interpret communications from others from their own personal viewpoint; i.
e.,  what it would mean if they themselves said the same thing their partner said,
which can be way off the mark. It helps to have compatible Mercurys. A couple is
not necessarily doomed if they don’t; however, they will need to develop an
understanding of each other’s communication style, if they want the relationship to
run smoothly.
       Venus describes, among other things, your values. Relationships where the
people involved have a completely different idea of what’s important have a lesser
shot at longevity. And so on with all the planets; you can make similar comparisons
to whatever traits the planet in question correlates with.
       So does this mean, for instance, that if you both have water moons (and/or any
other planet pairs in the same element) that you will be compatible? Maybe, but
certainly not necessarily, which brings me to another reason it is not possible to
match people up from not only their sun sign, but even from their entire charts.
You need to look at each person’s natal chart, and see what it says about them,
relative to what they want out of life, and what they need in a relationship. If what
excites somebody is  fireworks, conflict, and someone who can really challenge
them, someone with an extremely compatible chart might bore them out of their
minds. Everybody is not looking for  a person who is too much like themselves. To
one person, finding a counterpart with all the same interests, ideas, likes and
dislikes is their idea of a partnership made in heaven, and to someone else it might
be hell. They’d feel absolutely smothered by all that quality time.
       Another consideration: the interaction of the two charts. What kind of
connection exists between the two charts? Where in each other’s charts do the
other person’s planets fall? How are they affecting each other? And what does this
say about the relationship?
       Last but not least, there is the composite chart, which is a chart of the
relationship itself, as a separate entity, aside from the individuals involved. How
does the composite chart relate back to the natal charts? There’s a lot to be
learned from the composite chart, including the purpose of the relationship; that
unwritten contract that always exists but is rarely acknowledged. The composite
shows what the individuals need from the relationship, and there is always
something.  
       Often a potential client will say to me that they are afraid to have a relationship
analysis because they might find out that there is a problem. This is exactly why a
compatibility consultation is a good idea. The problem will exist regardless, so you
need to understand it. Having a heads up will go a long way in enabling the
individuals involved to handle difficult areas, and believe me, every relationship
has them! Problems don’t have to mean that a relationship won’t work.  I have
never seen a relationship without a problem area. The purpose of relationships is
growth, and growth is often born of conflict. That’s not always an easy thing.